I'm back

Hello everyone

its been a long time. Last time I posted it was to say that someone whom I loved died suddenly and I honestly didnt know how to deal with it because it was unexpected. She was the last person I expected to die and the worse part was I didnt even get a chance to tell her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. I didnt think it would hurt me so bad and I would internalize it but I did. I dont deal well with death and up until that point didnt have to deal with it so I rightfully didnt deal as well as I invisioned I would. But I am back

I see life differently now. Anyone of us can be here today and gone tommarow. SO many things can happen in a day, a week, a month nothing is absolute.

I havent really talked to anyone too much about it. I talked to my bf and even though he encouraged me to keep talking I didnt. Not because I didnt want to but I think I pushed it down so far that I "forgot" about it. But to be honest it was always there and it came out in other ways such as anger, frustration, sadness, fear, insecurities and anxiety.

I'm working on it. I think my bf has felt the brunt of it followed close by my mother. I just feel ike I have no patience and lately it has been so hard to contain my anger when something pisses me off. But those ar ethe negatives.

The positives is I am on this get fit and tone up thing and though I havent been to the gym (well bfore last week) in a month I havent gained much weight back at all. I think I gained perhaps at most 5 Lbs and 1 to 2 inches of what I lost. I am on a mission to tone up and drop a pant size from a size 8 to a size 7.

Another positive is I paid off my VISA bill

Another is I had my student loan payments lowered to something managable.

I've also closed 1 bank account eliminating excess fees and opened a tax free, no fee savings account that I cant access from my debit card.

I'm organizing a spa day and I am doing things to make me happy.

Today is the first day but I am on track-God is with me.

Sorry for being MIA for so long. I missed coming here and it feels good to be back.

Love you all. Till tommarow :)