Are you Thankful today???

What are you thankful for today??

Life can be challenging on its best days and its so easy to get caught up in all the bad things happening around us. We get bombarded on the news with images of disaster, death, crime, peril, and trouble. Everything seems to be getting worse and not better. We have challenges in finances, family and work life. Every where are messages of challenges. So is it a wonder that the average human being can't find one thing to be happy about, let alone smile over? Its like...trying to fnd a beautiful flower in the midst of a fire storm...

In the midst of it all, I strongly believe that its important to stop and count your blessings. Even if you hate your job, your house is falling apart and your finances bailed with the economy there is still something that you feel blessed for. Because like my mother has always said, "there will always be someone out there whose situation is much worse then yours. So count your blessing for what you have even if you dont have a lot". And there is always something you can be thankful for. So I would like to extend a challenge to everyone. List 5 things you are thankful for every day.

Now it doesnt have to be big things but the little things for example, being thankful for the green light you got on your way to work that allowed you to get on the highway/freeway without stopping. Being thankful for the warm air that hit you when you stepped out your car on your walk in to work because it's not cold and rainy today. Being thankful that your make up looks nice or you shave da nice straght goatee this morning. Stopping and noticing that its lunch time and you've knocked 2 things off your to-do list or if your still on task one that at least your a few hours in and closer to being finished then when you started this moring. Or noticing how pretty your child's eyes sparkled this morning when they smiled at you and hopped out the car and walked in to school. Or giving yourself a pat on the back that you managed to stretch your finances this week and that jam that went on sale at Walmart tastes darn good on the bread you bought on sale at No Frills. Etc.

This challenge isnt about noting, appreciating or being thankful for big things but being thankful for the little things.  The idea is that appreciating and being thankful for the little things will change your mindset and help you to see that life is not about the negative images and messages we get from teh news and from things happening in our life. Life is not all bad all the time. A situation may be negative but the reacton we have doesn't have to be. In order for our reaction to be different, our mindset has to be different. So how do you change your mindset?

One small step at a time; one small thank you at a time and eventually, each small step/thank you will cumulate to a few big steps forward. Many times, lifes challenges can leave us stagnant because we stop living nad focus on the lack, the negative and the desire to change when all along change is within or reach. I spoke about choices in my last post. A apart of choosing is choosing to see the positive, and choosing to see the positive starts by being grateful for the small miracles and good things around us. Good things do happen to good people. Good people can over come negative situations and thrive not as survivors but as achievers! We all have the power to achieve. So will you take this small step with me and list 5 things in your life, written down every day that you are thankful for?

I'll start with my List of 5 Things that I Am Thankful for today June 27th, 2011

1. I got 3 green lights today on my way in to work
2. It didnt rain today; it was nice, sunny and warm
3. My foundation didnt look shiney at 10 am
4. I drank 1 L of water today and ate all my lunch and snacks AND ate a really healthy dinner
5. I got almost all my filing done today and all the side projects that were dropped on my desk before I left    work

What is your list? Will you joing me on my journey? Lets walk together for 2 weeks and change our lives, 1 thank you at a time. :) Are you ready?

Inner Peace and the Choice to Be the Best Version of Yourself

What is your inner peace?

Do you find peace in meditation? Music, talking to a sympathetic ear, religion? Activities? Where do you find your inner peace?

My inner peace is founded in my religion. I like reading inspirational verses in the bible that inspires me and encourages me to be the best I can be. I find solace in the verses where God lets me know that I am not alone in my heart ache, or my struggles. That He is near to me when I have a broken heart. He forgives me when I do wrong and is merciful to me when I deserve to be punished. He is a God of second chances, and He wants to be merciful to me. In order to be forgiven I must forgive those who hurt me. I must obey.

Can you have inner peace when you have something against someone who hurt you? No.

Holding ill feelings against someone who caused you hurt is counterproductive to inner peace by its very nature because those feelings are negative and hurtful. Peace doesn't hurt. Peace is calm and tranquil. Being hurt feels like a inner storm whirling around in your mind and heart. Feeling hurt and Feeling at Peace can't co-exist in the same heart.

How deep must one go to find inner peace?

Inner peace comes from making a series of choices to be happy and choose actions and thoughts that will maintain peace or create peace in your mind and heart. Sounds radical because everyone wants to be happy but is everyone doing what they need to do to be happy? Do the people who want happiness the most know that it begins with a choice? And each choice made consecutively, on purpose will lead to happiness and inner peace? Its true. Its not a magic wand lying somewhere on the ground that some lucky bloke might stumble upon some day! Nope! Its a choice. When your presented with an opportunity to react negatively or react in a way where the scenario doesn't create a negative response in you, you then have a choice. Choose the negative and get angry, sad, mad, indignant! Or choose to let it go, say so what, or there must be more to this scenario that what it seems, or simply, "I'm not going to let this bother me" then move on. That's brushing it off and that's choosing happiness thus taking you one step closer to inner peace.

Are choices the only way?

No, they are one tool in an arsenal that will lead you to that place. Meditation is another good tool. It helps you to focus, slow down, calm your mind and helps you to feel more in control of your body. Its an excellent tool. Others are literature. Some may think this is cliche but The Secret" and other books that help you to understand that your mind is a powerful tool in helping you be calm, make the right choices, see clearly and help you centre and channel your thoughts on your goals and achieving them are all good tools.

So whats in a choice?

Life is a series of choices. You choose what to wear in the morning. You choose to work for the job you currently have even if its not ideal and doesn't pay all the bills. At the end of the day you chose that job. You choose the kind of car you are currently driving or you chose not to drive and take public transit because it was the most sensible choice outside of walking an hour to work in the cold when you could have taken a 20 minute bus ride and a 30 minute train ride down to work. You chose what you eat. You choose your friends. You choose your favorite form of entertainment. You choose what you do with your money and you choose what you do with your free time. So, why wouldn't it make sense to choose to live well but choosing not to fly off the handle. Choosing to accept your situation the way it is then choose a plan of action to improve your situation and be your best self. Why not choose how you think, what you accept for yourself, and what you tell yourself over and over in your head where no one can hear you? Why not choose to think the best despite what you see in front of you? Its not fluff its expecting the best despite how things currently look. Why not choose the best for yourself?

Whats holding you back from your  inner peace? Are you choosing to be your best self today?

My new journey and Focus!

Hello everyone!!

You may have just happened to notice a new layout on this blog. I did this on purpose (shock I know) because my blog needs a re-vitalization to reflect my journey since the last blog entry on February 19th.

So much has happened since then. I cried a little bit more because I needed to get it all out of my system to help the grieving process. But then dried my tears and decided my life is just fine without someone who could so easily say they love me then easily walk away with no explanation. Till he contacted me and decided he was ready to confess a few things that made everything make sense. Basically he met an Indian girl that works for one of his clients in November which happens to be the same month we had our 3 year anniversary. They became close, then he dumped me in December and "started" dating her in January (I dont believe him because he was mighty vague about this part of his confession) but there are forces that are keeping them apart which makes he feel sad. Feel free to insert your eye roll, shocked face, anger and rising blood pressure her>>><<<<

After telling him off politely he said he wanted to be friends and he wasnt ruling out a reconciliation which I believed because I still had feelings for him (God I was stupid). At the same time, after agreeing to this friendship with vague hope (aka he was stringing me along) I was still figuring out how I could enjoy my own company and do things that I enjoyed by myself and not judge myself for it. I thought this was his way of seeing if we could get back together. I was wrong, nieve and still hurt. I hoped that deep down inside he still loved me and maybe simply made a "mistake". I thought maybe eventually there was a possibility we could "work things out". Then I started noticing his frequency of contact increased when he was sick, or feeling down but when he was on the up and up I didnt hear from him. I mentioned how it seemed to him and he turned around and told me I was wrong and good bye-Again. So much for the "friendship" he claimed he really wanted and what big lesson for me. I cant bake my emotional hopes (notice I had a lot of that) for someone whose behaviour has shown me that they truely dont care about me or my feelings into a nice little cake and expect that it will taste how I dreamnt it would. It was bitter, rancid, and tasted exactly what it was-evil and malicious. After all, he provided the ingredients and I baked them together so how did I expect them to taste?

I sat down after his second goodbye and began asking myself some hard reflective questions.

1. Do I love myself more then what he was offering me?
2. Where did my self esteem go?
3. Why would I fight so hard to be accomodating and understanding of someone who didnt consider my feelings when he stepped out with someone else?
4. How much do I really love myself right now?
5. How can I regain a positive sense of self, a healthy self esteem and love myself enough to know that I dont have to accept this kind of behaviour no matter how much I may love the person.
6. What can I learn from this relationship, this break up and life after that I can use to strengthen myself and MOVE ON!
7. Do I believe I deserve better

Moving on seemed scary, because I bought into his "always and forever" speel and believed that he meant it. Obviously he didnt. I also held on to the hurtful words he said to me when he told me off in December. Thank God I shook that off with a lot of prayer, conversing with God and trusting him that I will be ok. I also had to change my thinking from he was "The One" to I was wrong he was never the One. I've learned it's ok to make mistakes and learn from them, take what I can then move on. I've learned to find out whats great about me, love me and tell myself those things every single day till I wake up knowing that I am all those things and then some. I've learned to enjoy my own company and concern myself with things that make me happy. I have a thrist for life and a yearning to experience new things and meet new people. I've involved myself in activities knowing that I am only concerned about myself having fun and connecting with people and not about a +1 and how they may or may not be connecting with the event or group. I put my trust in God and in turn he has allowed me to continually find things out about myself that I love. Then a strange thing started happening, my self esteem began to soar! Now when I reflect on his possibility of reconciliation the first thing that comes to mind is, "I'm worth more then what he had to offer and I cant turn back now. I love myself too much to accept what he was giving me all over again!" Then I ask myself "what benefit is a reconcilation to me" and I quickly answer, "none".

I used to have him on a pedelstand - huge mistake - and I saw only the great qualities and his "potential" to be. Now I see him very differently and I've concluded that he is emotionally immature, a manipulative cold hearted, vindictive person, a brooding liar, and he is emotionally unavailable. He is also suffering from a serious case of selfishness, childishness (insert stomping feet and "I'm taking my ball and going home" behaviour when things dont go his way here-Hmpf!), and materilaistic.
I can sit here and list all the things I think he is (yes there's more to that list) but my blog is no longer going to focus on a dead relationship with someone who gave up on what he advocated we had -his "always and forever" bs. Quite frankly, that ship has sailed. This blog's new focus is on my journey to happiness, new experiences and everything good that I know I deserve.

I dont believe my journey is complete because I know there are stages to grief and loss but I firmly beleive that I am doing well and on a path to living well. Idont feel sorry for myself. I provided details because my blog was left with a very sad and depressed undertone. I dont feel that way anymore. I want this place to be a happy, funny and sometimes saracastic account of my journey to living well. I'm hoping along that journey maybe I can help someone else who might recognize some of the things I mentioned above as symptoms that they may be in an emotionally unavailable relationship. But mainly I want to pay it forward.

I also want you all to know there will be a name change to this place. There is no longer any curry in my life though I do still enjoy the occasional curry chicken and rice, roti or curry goat. C'mon! I am Caribbean after all! Cant throw the baby out with the bath water now can I?? LOL