**caution my post today is going to be controversial and may offend. If you dont like it feel free to exit off my page**
I just read Sara's blog today and I identified with so many points that I thought I'd blog and share my thoughts about it here. One of the phrases that she has used many times over is DBRbm's. Today she explored DBR bw's!
I'll explain what both are next.
What are DBR bw's and bm's??
DBRbw's and DBRbm stands for Damaged Beyond Repair black women and black men Now I'm black as well and proud of it but I cant deny that such people exist within the bc (black community) and not only do they exist they thrive on holding others back. I have experienced such people in my life which is one of the reasons why I dont have very many bw friends. I'm not your typical black female. I like eruo, dance, alternative, grime, garage, latino, and soca music. I can only stand dancehall in 2 minute doses and I'm growing a strong dislike for hip hop. I like to ice skate, play volleyball, and do things that are not labeled typically "black". I want to swim more, go hiking, go up north and stay at a cabin in December so I can go outside into the hot tub. I want to go skiing, eventually join a martial arts studio and do dance classes.
Because of this I am not exactly appealing to most black girls. I know this, I've been told this by black girls and I've come to accept it and be fine with it. Therefore I seek friends who are like me and usually those people dont share the same race as me because of it.
When I was younger I used to have a strong desire to fit in with my black peers. I want to be witty like them, out going like them, sharp and cleaver like them. I just wanted to fit in yet I didnt feel like I could. I was quiet and shy and my shyness made a target for being made fun off. I was tall and lanky, and my eyes were chinky so I was made fun off constantly for it. I wasnt as quick witted as they were so when I finally thought of something to answer back it just made it worse.
This weekend my bf and I decided to take a walk around his area. SO here we are in a mostly Indian neighbourhood walking side by side and at some points hand in hand when we suddenly find that we are the centre of attention. We had dirty looks from Indian men and Women. When we werent getting those we had whole families in cars staring us down. Sad I think. My bf noticed more then I did but when I did it was truely a shameful sight. I know that we are not the typical interracial couple since black male/white femal IR relationships are common but at the same time I dont think it warrents someone almost running off the road to stare.
The funny part is some of these Indians were as dark as me. But this post isnt necessrliy about DBRIm's or DBRIw since I dont know anything about that nor do I know if the title fits. But I do know about DBRbm and bw which brings me to the lone blak man walking along the path with us.
One thing I notice alot of is when a IR couple is walking down the street hateful people who dislike the union will try to walk through the to break their hand holding. I guess its their way of feeling good about "breaking them apart". I thought I was the only one who experienced this till I read about it happening to other bw in IR relationships or friendships. I turned around and saw this older black man walking briskly. We locked eyes and he looked at me so angry. I've seen that look before in the eyes of many black men young and old when they see me with my bf. That looks usually morphs into disgust then a accusatory stare of, "how could you??". So I turned back around and kept walking becuase I just didnt want to deal with that scenario all over again. Suddenly I felt like someone was right behind me so I turned around and there he was about 2 feet behind me looking as pissed off as ever. I stepped aside and let him walk around me since I could see he was aiming to walk right through us and I wasnt having that. He wasnt going to get that satisfaction. His shoulder brushed mine when he passed and he didnt turn around to look he just kept walking. Sad. This man could be my father, and as I watched him walk away I wondered if that really neccessary? I see hate and DBR's doesnt stop at a certain age.
I'm going to pause on my thoughts for a moment and think about how I'm going to word my next post. Till I post again.
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