God is good to me....how can I let him down?? Hvae you ever heard this gospel song?
The song is nice but my humaness makes that last statment almost seem like a lie. The fact of the matter is I do bad things from time to time. Not bad in that I am criminally liable to stand in front of a judge and await sentencing but just your everyday bad stuff; the kind of thing that keeps me out of jail but might make me subject to another (imperfect) humans judgment.
I blogged a few weeks back about not caring what other people think and it remains a struggle for me still to this day. But I know its a process that will take time. Some days are easier then others, yet other days I find myself falling back into familiar habits of trying to anticipate someone elses moves or thoughts based on their moods, actions or facial expressions. Its impossible because I dont know whats going on in someones mind and unless I suddenly develop some special ESP mind reading capabilities it wont happen anytime soon. People are people-selfish, imperfect, caught up in their own heads and their own worlds oblivious to everyone else.
I find that I consider other poeples feelings and how my actions impact them alot more than the courtesy is extended back to me. It hurts my feelings because I just want someone to "care" about how thier actions impact another (me?). But is that expectation in itself selfish? Unfortunatly, I dont live in a world where other people care about me or anyone else that is not in their close circle. Instead they will freely do to others what they couldnt dare stand someone doing to them or worse their spouse, significant other or children. If the reverse were true they would go ape shit on someone. Yet there they are doing it to someone else without as much as a second thought. For example my obnoxious asst manager. He is disrespectful, rude, crass, and obnoxious yet I'm willing to put down money if anyone handled his wife that way at her place of work he would be taking time off to go whoop some ass. Yet he feels no ways to do it to us at work. Funny how that works huh?
Or the guy in the truck who dangerously cuts you off on the road. Had that same scenario been played out with his wife, gf, bf, sibling, or child behind the wheel he would be on a personal mision to hunt the guy down and run him over. See what I mean?
WE as humans dont care, yet belly ache and get damn angry if the bad things we do to other people comes back onto those we love the most! Karma....it never hits you where it will hurt the least. It always hits you where it hurts the most! And if the most means it is played out on your bf, gf, child, or family then thats what is going to happen.
In Jamaica there is a saying that goes:
"its not the same day leaf touch the wata it rotten. It takes several days"
Translation, its not the same day that a leaf falls onto the water does it fully rot. It takes many days before the process starts. Meaning karma is not always instantaneous...it happens slow but when it does its profound and cannot be denied for what it is.
I found out yesterday that someone I knew, full of life died July 1st. He was only 29 and it got me thinking even more about how precious life is and how we all only have but a short time here. SO many deaths, a pastor getting caught up in a shocking revelation that to this day many cant believe now this. Its sad. I decided today when I woke up that my life is too precious to be caught up worrying about things, people, their decisions. My life, my health, and existance is not to get caught up in these fine points with people whom many didnt even exist in my world till recently. Its a waste.
So I close by saying this:
Life is a celebration.
I've been giving my personal power to too many people who dont deserve it. I've given too many poeple a slice of importance that they have not earned or should have been cut back on a long time ago. The list carries quite a few names and emotionally I need to cut the stings and set them free down the river so they can experience their 7 days.
Peace and love everyone!
hugs and kisses
;)
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