I Love You!

So there is no lie that I love my bf (those who know me can witness that this is true-let the masses say amen!) . I love him so much and sometimes when I think about it I can see that I love him way more (to the point that I dont remember loving anyone else) than I have ever loved any guy before him.

I really do. Its true, I adore him

He really cares about me, my feelings, my thoughts and I the same. I care what he thinks, what he feels if he is hurting, crying upset or angry. I just care period. I'm not perfect and I have my faults like everyone else. So does he but thats why I dont expect him to be perfect, because I'm not.

During the day when things get me feeling down I know I can blackberry him and he always either makes me focus on the important things or he'll say something to make me feel better. I'm not great with words and unfortunatly I cant always the right words in the right way to make him feel the way he makes me feel. Its really hard for me; its something I wish I could change but I dont know how. I try as hard as I can but it just doesnt seem to come out right. So in it's place I do what I know how to do best; I listen.

I'm not perfect at listening but I try to listen as objectively as I can without interrupting. This can be hard for me because I am an advocate for justice and when I hear of someone doing wrong it makes me mad. I hate when he tells me of someone taking advantage of him because he has such a good heart. It makes me want to advocate for him. He means that much to me. I dont want to see anyone hurt him and he definelty does the same for me.

I know deep down in my heart that I want to continue this amazing journey of ups, downs and all arounds with him for the rest of my life -I want to be by his side forever, to love him and cherish him and make him feel like he is loved, cherished and supported because he does all of that for me. In a way he is teaching me...actually he is teaching me how to love. Its kinda like a child learning to walk. When the child feels comfortable it tries to do it on its own but eventually stumbles and has to try again. Thats how I feel sometimes. I'm learning how to love him and show him that I love him the way he shows me and loves me.

I am excited that he is pursing a career in PM. I'm excited that he is doing so much with S onn projects and making valuable inputs and suggestions that are impacting the business. I think he is so smart and talented. I love him with all my heart and sometimes I think its cheesy to say it but when I look at him I really do see love.

Always and forever!

Unnecessary Hurt and embarassment

SO I went to a baby shower and there was a pool. Natuarally my bf made a beeline for the pool LOL. The shower was for his aunt so it was almost a given that everyone was going to take to the water...let me re-type that, the COLD water!!

After all the baby shower festivities, one of his sisters friends came and went in the pool. SHe cant swim well so my bf took her out to the deep end. Now this happened while my back was turned so I turn around in time to see my bf go under and her also then see her swim to the edge and try to climb over. He swims over and is talking to her then she turns around and slaps him in front of his family and friends.

Now.....

I have come to find out that he brought her closer to the deep end even though she didnt want to go and she got scared. Ok...I'm sorry (actually I'm not I'm pissed off at him and somewhat at her) but I didnt like her hitting him. He had no right to take her out there if she didnt want to go but she had no right to hit him afterwards. Straight goods and I dont care if anyone doesnt agree with that. Two wrongs dont make a right. If this same scenario played out somewhere else I know of family members who would have tried to drown her ass for doing that. Point blank truth. That type of reaction could get your slapped, hurt or worse.

Lesson learned here, if someone doesnt want to do something ( aka go to the the deep end of a pool bc they cant swim) dont force them to just because it seems fun. The feeling of drowning is real and very, VERY scary. I know because its happened to me.

Lesson 2: Even though your upset you have no right to get physical; walk away or tell the person to leave you alone till you cool off.

My bf acts like a big kid sometimes but sometimes even if you think you've got everything in control, there comes a time when you have to exercise maturity and think before acting. It may seem like fun and games but thats how people a) get hurt and b) get upset enough to turn it into a physical situation that didnt need to go there in the first place. I saw the look on his moms face and I could tell she didnt like the slap either but like me she couldnt say anything. It was embarassing and unneccesary.

I'm going to bed now. Talk to you all later

Canada's Wonderland: new Friends, great fun and a tummy ache all in one!!

So My job had an employee day at Canada's Wonderland! It was so much fun. First of all I hate trying to find parking. I dont have the patience or the temperment to do it so I'd much rather park far then try to battle it out for a spot! We get there and my bf spots the ticket gate for our employees to pick up their tickets. I spot a friend, A, from work so I run to her and my bf makes a beeline for the ticket booth. Turns out she just got there with her niece and friend M and asks me to tag along. Cool. Her friend is gorgeous and has the biggest coolest afro I've personally seen in my life. She is a really chill girl and all 4 of us (bf included) proceed to the bunjee jump to risk our lives for $15.00. YAY! Not so yay for me as I screamed for my life cuz I thought I was gonna die on the bottom of the jump but whatever right LOL.It was so much fun. My bf knows how I feel about not having friends so as we are all walking he is leaning into my ear encouraging me to keep up and join in on their convo. So I do and I am glad I did. Turns out M is a really cool girl and we have alot in common including our hair. My afro is not as nig (not by far) but I have a desire to get it as big as hers and she has a desire to help me LOL. I cant wait. Not only that but she likes doing crazy out of the ordinary non typical black people kinds of things like snow boarding, chilling at the cabin, bunjee jumping, sky diving, swimming and of course skating. I have been trying for 3 years to get someone to go skating with me. Instead I'm met with the, "black people dont skate" garbage. I'm stoked She is going to st, vincent wednesday and wants to go to the beach with us and the rest of our friends when she gets back. Its cool. She is also into make up and doing eye shadows and things that not alot of other black girls are into. LOL Its great! I'm really excited to meet someone as chill and cool as her and also to strengthen an existing friendship with A.

Its great. I really, really cant wait till she gets back. Its going to be so much fun!

By the end of the night my tummy hurt from all the crap I had eaten(free food at the BBQ what can I say, nothing beats free right??). M had to leave around 7 to go to work so it left A, my bf and I to roam around CW and do some more fun shit.My bf paid for us to go go karting (I have never done it before) andfor the 32 oz slushie drinks thats started my tummy ache. He told me he did it so that we could have fun memories of the day we all went to CW and became friends. Thanks baby! You are the best!!

Here's some pix of my crazy adventures

(isnt M's afro amazing!!!!!!)

(me in the middle screaming for my life)

(thats my bf and my friend on Top Gun...at this point the slushie in my tummy mixed with that nasty veggie hot dog, some chicken and salads had me on the bench-but damn that slushie was good LOL)

Speaking of, he knows how down I have been about alot of things so he surprised me with a beautiful card and in it he wrote:

"You mean the world to me. You are the most beautiful woman I know and I cant imatgine my life without you. I love you dearly. We both have no idea what our future holds but what I know is that we will see it through together good or bad."

I almost cried! To top it off (like it could get better than that) he bought me a MAC gift card for a 1 hour make up consultation so I can learn new techniques one on one with a MAC MU artist!! I Love MAC and make up; he knows me so well! Its so perfect for me. But can I tell you a secret?? Lean in ok....ready??

I love the actual card even more than I do the consulation card. I really, really do!

Love you F!!!

Till we talk again!!

Hugs!!

Daddy and Me!

I didnt get to spend fathers day with my dad so I decided to take him out this friday night for a daddy and me day. I drove him in my car (first time since I bought it 7 months ago) and we hit the mall picked up our tickets for Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen, then browsed the mall. It was fun. I picked up a haul from MAC (will blog about in my other blog) then we went in and saw Transdormers! Great, great movie but I'll have to see it again before I give a review. I dont know how I feel about it personally. But most importantly I was happy to spend the evening with my dad. That made the money I spent (and didnt really have to spend) worth it. Its been a long time. We definitly have to do it again! Family means alot to me!

Till we speak again....

Love youall!

Old Friends lost, reunited?

This has been one busy, busy weekend. I have only really missed posting once. Sorry about that. Friday was a busy day. Work was chaotic to say the least. The location that I work from was previously all men so here I come along a female to the testosterone mix. To day that they are crass and rude is an understatement. Not only are they like that with each other but they feel no reason not to do so with me. Even though I have mentioned that I dont like it and its rude. They dont care. This is why I really want to get the hell out of there. The manager swore at me over something innocent as I was walking out the door and right then and there it was a wrap for me. When I came back in I was ready to go home. I went to the bathrrom stayed there for a minute came back and sat there till 6 pm then left shortly after. What really pissed me off was the main rude one's wife came in and I thought to myself, if she came home and told him that her male co workers talked to her the way he talked to me he would lose it. But what goes around comes around.

On a lighter note I went to shoppers on my lunch to pick up a few things that I was in desperate need of when I saw a familiar face. A friend of mine from high school and I stopped talking over some trivial nonsense that got blown way out of proportion. She and I were really good friends and I really felt like I could be myself with her. I saw her mom and was chatting her up when suddenly she cam around the corner. She seemed genuinely happy to see me and told me we should hook up. She suggested I contact her on facebook and I will; baby steps.... Its been a long time and time heals all wounds so I'll cautiously see where this goes. When we spoke it was like we never skipped a beat. Thats a good sign...

Till we speak again

Kisses!

RIP Michael

I heard this news yesterday and I was in shock. Today I am sad. RIP Micahel. Your legacy will live on!! It would be nice if people would remember the good things instead of the discredited allegations. Was Michael different from "the rest of us". Depends on whose watching. Are we really perfect and able to cast a scornful eye on MJ? Half of those judging him have skeletons in their closets that would rock every gossip site and magazine around the world twice. And what about the media? Or you Anderson Cooper? A man who has been rumoured to be so deep in the closet that he has a closet within his closet to come out of. He might as well be out in the open; Kathy Griffin has already told us the truth. Or CNN. The biggest symbol of the KKK since the burning crosses in mississipi. They dont wear sheets anymore. Nope, instead they wear expensive suits and and sit in positions of power influencing society strategically as the wish.

For once I'd like to see people talk about the most important thing about MJ dying; his kids! They spent their last fathers day with him not knowing that it would be the last time they would hug their dad, tell him they love him and see him smile again. Thats the tragedy, theses children who lost their father so suddenly. I dont think the world can shed enough tears to cover what they have already shed and are about to in days to come. My condalances to his children, his siblings, his parents and to us his fans.

RIP MJ!

You will be missed!

Till we speak again.

Hugs and Kisses!

Aim for the moon but shoot for the stars...

I dont really know what to say here. Maybe I can talk about how tired I am from working 11 hours then going to my bf's brothers graduation (Congrats C!!). Or maybe I can talk about how depressed I have been lately and how much I wish I wasnt so down and sad. Or maybe I can talk about how friendless I've been feeling lately? Or maybe I can talk about how I am looking back at my life wondering where I went wrong and why I am not in the career I want. Its not for lack of trying trust me I have applied to every kind of position in my field without not even as much as a "thanks for applying but we have decided to go with another candidate" letter. I'm in a job a despise that has absolutly nothing to do with what I went to school for. I feel like a loser who is discovering that the last laugh is on me. I wonder why I even tried so hard in school if this is where I would be almost 10 years after graduation. SO I sat and cheered on the 2009 grads feeling happy for them, cheering on those who go into hard university and remembering when I graduated with so much hope and so many dreams...

and none of them coming true.

I suppose there is time....yes there is time. My mind tells me but my heart feels defeated and weak. I need to break out of this.....I dont know how. Does anyone have any suggestions because I am having more than a moment ya'll! I dont know

Courtesy of Facebook

Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore my nephew. He is now 14 and I love him dearly. One reason being that he is one of a very few family members I have in Canada (from the gazillion I have spread out across the US, Caribbean and England) I want to be as close to all 5 (yes 5) of them as I can. Maybe thats a pipe dream and I'm deluding myself...clearly I must be.

Today I log on to facebook and am shocked at I see? Pictures of my nephew at his graduation surrounded by his mothers family then my brother with his girlfriend. How nice! What a way to find out. I would have been there no matter what had I known. But no one told me. Sop I get to see pictures of my nephew and his family sharing a moment that I would have loved to be a part of. Me, my dad, his grandmother and everyone else on our side of family.

I called my brother and asked him about it and he offered me a weak lame excuse of being busy.

I'm not gonna lie..

lately I have been feeling really down and not so much myself. I think I use this place as my therapy because everytime I post I feel better in some weird way. I had a few things bothering me (still kinda do sometimes) that I posted about. I'm working through them. I believe they are fixable but I also realized I am really hard on myself. I expect myself to bounce back quickly and not care. I wonder why I cant just brush things off and not let my emotions show. But the more I try the more they flow through and I dont know how to stop it.

I feel like deep down I lack confidence. I used to be so confident but thats lmost eradicated away. I feel tired of fighting, tired of struggling tired of always having to fight for what I have and sometimes the thought to give up crosses my mind. I look at everyone else (which is my 1st mistake) and percieve them as having eveything together when in reality I know deep down that they dont. I dont feel confident in the way I look. I dont feel pretty alot of the times. Its just not me.

What does Almond want??

I want to be happy from within
I want to be worry free
I want to smile and be pelasent alot instead of cynical and tired
I want to feel positive thoughts and believe I can do anything o matter what the circumstances are in front of me.
I want to feel like I have so much opportunity ahead instead of looking behind me at whats already passed away.

So I pray and ask God to help me...
Our father, who art in heaven

Congrats baby!!

My bf got a promotion and I am so happy for him. He is going to be in a better position and will now have weekends off which is good. YAY!!!

Congrats!!

Can you call this an epiphany or an awakening?

I sat i nchurch today thinking about someone that is in a lot of trouble. Alot of people are happy about this persons sudden downfall but there are many others who are very upset about it; my mother being one of them. I'm not happy about it either but as we all said a prayer and sang songs of encouragment for this person I couldnt help but remember King David in the bible. King David was well favored with God but lost his favor when he had an affair with another mans wife then had the man killed so he could take his wife as his own. God punished him bysturring trouble in his very household as a result King David suffered alot but even in his suffereing God had mercy on him. He died and was succeded by his son who later became King Soloman; a king who no other king could come close to in glory and beauty.

I believe there is hope for this person. Even as service was done and many women in the church began to weep for the circumstances of this person, the pastor gave me a hug and told me not to worry, just pray and stay strong. I told him I will. Truth is I stopped being sad about 2 days ago. It was affecting me too much. If this person is guilty of the crime he is accused of then he will have to appeal to God and in turn God will have mercy on him and deliver him. If he is innocent then God will still do the same thing. Either way, God is with him and will deliever him out of the hands of his accusers and enemies. SO it got me thinking further.

My mother not liking my bf is beyond my control; why worry when I can pray. Lord knows I dont deserve her treatment and neither does my bf so why wouldnt God redeem us? Its not in my control because as Minister J preached today, "all things work out for the good of those who love the Lord. So if this is true then can we really say anything bad happens if God has already said that everything works out for good?" That was profound for me.

So I wont waste my time worrying that my mother is stubborn about my bf.
I wont worry that he too has given up on her-I understand and I dont blame him for feeling that way
I wont worry about my job-I have to give God the power that he actually has instead of doubting him all the time
I wont worry about anything.

AT least this are the things I will tell myself when things start creeping into my mind asking me my opinion.

I gotta stay positive about things. My life will be so much easier when I do. I sued to be more positive then I started to feel depressed, sad and down and I began losing my will to fight. Giving up is not an option. My mother doesnt like my bf bc of his race and her own stupid reasons. I thin she is manipulative. These things arent changing, but what am I doing to change how I react to them.....????

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

Happy father's day to all the fathers on the outside taking care of their house and home. It takes a real man to take careof his family and children. So for all you men, young men and older men who put your kids first before yourself and continuasly take care of home this salutation is for you! Happy Father's day!!!!

Chasing Pavements....After Tonight!

I discovered these two songs a few months back while watching a bloggers yourtube video and I love it. Its peaceful, different and fluid...I think those are the best words I can use to describe them. Even before one of these artists became a radio name I was feverishly downloading her songs and listening on!

Who are these artists?? Adele and Justin Nuzuka. They sing Chasing Pavements and After Tonight. I am in love with these songs. When I want to chill and just think I put on these songs and its like I am transported along with their words.

After Tonight

This song makes me think of love requested and love desired. Makes me picture fingers on guitar strings strumming, black and white pictures of rain falling , a man whose eyes are fixated on a beautiful woman as his fingers strum out the words to his heart. She blushes, he sings on and pleased for just one chance to make her feel the love he has in his heart for her. Just one chance to convince her that he can make her dreams come true. Its beautiful and I think a fitting song on this rainy, dare I say beautiful day.

Chasing Pavements

This song makes me picture a woman who is at her its ened searching for answers that only her heart can tell her. Its like we are getting a glimpse into the conversation happening between her heart and mind. Its beautiful and heart felt. I love this song.

My shooter- by Groove Cutter

Again another nice song but more on the techno euro side. Its a nice club song the kind you listen to when your getting ready to go out! LOL Very energetic, fun, "makes you want ot jump around" kind of song LOL

Ok so those are a few of my favorite songs LOL.

I want to do a make up tutorial since its been a while since I did one. I really need to get some make up brushes from MAC. But the funds are not cooperating right now :( Oh well right??

Check out these songs and tell me what you think :)

Ciao Bellas!!

Double Kisses! Muah!

Breathe, Stretch, Shake...Let it go

So these past few days I have been not feeling too much like myself. So like the true capricorn that I am I decided to go introvertly and assess why and figure it out.

I think I have narrowed it down to a few points that I'd like to put on my list of things to
Breathe, Stretch, Shake and let them go! I need to do this because its getting ridiculous. I am holding it all inside and its getting the best of me.

Friends:

I had a friend that I really enjoyed her company. But busy schedules leave no time for much interaction and I think there is now some resentment about that. She has her own friends that she hangs out with and sometimes I feel jealous because I'm not really included in that. And I understand to some extent why we are both busy and she has her own friends. I know some of the girls she hangs out with but we arent I guess cool on that level. Its probably more of a we know of each other but thats it type of thing. It makes me feel left out a little bit because they go and do really fun girly stuff together. Even before I had a bf they would go out and do cool stuff and it made me feel left out and just in one category. I'd even say to my friend hey, I'd love to come with you guys but the invitation was never extended back to me so I enventually dropped it and stopped "asking". I want a friend that I can hang out with all the time not someone that I can only do certain things with then anything else thats really fun I'm not included in. And thats how she makes me feel. So I guess my "busyness" has a bit to do with that; feeling tired of being in one category-the mall friend.

I touched on this in a earlier blog and I really think it made me feel better because I decided from that point to be my own friend and do things to make me happy. I got my nails and feet done. I'm trying to get my lashes and eye brows done. I also want to go buy some make up. I still miss having a gf to go out with but I'm trying to push that out of my head and just accept that right now the party of 3 will include me, myself and I.

A Mother's Approval

Its no secret among those who know me that my mother doesnt like my boyfriend. My mother has been a very over protective person all my life. I'm her only child and she is scared to lose me. When my bf and I were friends I introduced her to him and she didnt seem to happy to meet him....in fact it was a bit of indifference. A few weeks later he and I became bf and gf and I told her about it and she was pretty upset to say the least. At that point he had been coming to my church and everyone liked him and was happy that he was there. She made it clear she didnt like him there much to everyones confusion. When asked why she says, "my spirit doesnt take him" and that she doesnt like Indian people. My bf isnt full indian, only half but in her eyes it doesnt matter.

Long story short (I dont care to get into details with in this post) the whole situation went from bad to worse more than anyone could imagine. Synopsis: she ended up throwing me out, calling me a whore, packing my shit up (or throwing it out the closet whatever you want to call it) and attacking me. It was senseless and to this day I dont understand why it all happened. The police got involved and I ended up moving out for 6 months.

To say the least there is alot of resentment between them. She refuses to talk to him more than hi and bye and he is at the point that he doesnt even want to come to my house. Messed up shit huh?? I keep it all inside, and tell myself that one day it will all change but I just have to keep trying to get them talking. I have expressed how their decisions makes me feel but they both hold fast to their side (aka stubborness) and it leaves me in the middle wondering what to do, wishing it would all just be so different. I cant do this anymore.

It makes me jealous to see other people in relationships with siginifcant others who are welcomed into their home with no issues. I know not everyone has this luxury but I feel at my age this is just a bit passed ridiculous. She needs to let go and realize I am an adult who can and will make her own decisions. Getting vex, holding malice and being rude is not going to make me do what she wants. Sometimes this whole situation makes me want to give up. I just want to put it out there that I refuse to let go of my relationship. Its just not going to happen so she either has to get over it or give in.

So I have made a second decision that I'm sure neither of them will like (if she even cares) but at this point I have to do what makes me happy. I'm going to, for my own sanity not bother with trying to reconcile them. If they want to be stubborn and not resolve their issues then fine. I have done everything I can and I cant keep feeling bad and worrying about something that I cannot control. I feel like I have tried so hard, and cried even harder and there is only so much a person can take before enough is enough. I'm going to live my life, pu tit behind me and focus on positive things. I just cant feel bad, its stupid and destructive to me! I'm young I cant bog myself down like this anymore.

I want my mothers support but if I cant get that then fine. I'll accept it and move on.

Work

Again, no secret that I hate my job I feel like I am over qualified to do the things that I do on a daily basis but to make it worse I work really long hours everyday and then put in an extra 3 hours every other saturday. I hate it. A position in head office just came up and I really want to go for it....correction....I am going for it.

I'm just so tired of my current position. I want to either move up or move on and I'm sick of the customer service aspect of it. What makes it worse is my allergies are really acting up so I am always stuffed up. This past thursday out of the blue my left cheek and eye socket felt like someone just punched me in the face. It really hurt turns out it was my sinuses. They were so congested that it began to hurt. Now tell me how am I supposed to be all smiley adn care about **** (cant reveal that part or it will give away where I work) when my face hurts, my nose is running and I'm constantly trying to clear my throat??? *sigh* I dont have a final breathe, stretch shake conclusion so I'm going to leave this open till I do.

*sigh*

That felt good to say. I want to go to the mall and get a hair piece. I also want to do my eyebrows and lashes because I really love fixing myself up and looking good. Its raining outside alot. I might either wait till the rain dies down or save it for tommarow.

Till I blog aian later today with another random thought I love you all, thanks for reading and lots of hugs and kisses from me to you!

*Muah*

The proof is in the smile!

What a day...

So I went to the awards luncheon it was so much fun. I felt extra special when they called my name to accept my award. It was like wow....lol I heard a few of those in the crowd. What a way to get my name out there! LOL

whew!

So you know how I blogged that my bf and I went to the drinks show? Well we took red carpet pics and I gotta say I like them alot!

Heres a peek!

What do you guys think??? AFter 2 years I finally get a picture where he is somewhat smiling LOL. I'll take it!! Now just to get him to smile in pictures without being asked 15 times LOL

Ciao all!

Kisses ;)

What a day, what a day!

Ok Ya'll I cant believe this but I found out some news about someone that I still cant believe. Like I'm speechless. I dont want to say and I know you guys are like well why did you post it if you wont say but I want to reserve judgement till all the facts come out. But I will say this, if its true the consequences are going to have a ripple effect that will cross continents...literally!

Today was a hard day for me. It just felt extra long. Some days I can take things one day at a time and other days it has to be one moment at a time if even that. I actually broke down and started crying at my desk. This is so hard but I know if I can make it through this rough period than I can make it through anything.

I'm looking forward to tommarow because I go to head office to meet some important people. I'm looking forward to it. After that I go to a elite lunch with the higher ups as a reward for being #1 in my category.

Its going to be good. I really cant wait!

Till I blog again....love youall

kisses ;)

A special afternoon with ME! Yes, I had a "me" afternoon!

LOL Weird title huh? Yea I know...I can be weird like that.

So while I was at work feeling miserable I decided to do something for me. I went and got my nails and feet done. I have never gone to the salon to get my feet done; I was a broke student so I did it myself. But what the hay right? Enjoy life while you can so wy not? My toe nails are a dark baby pink with violet undertones. Love it.On each big toe is a pretty free hand design in baby blue, light pink and white with silver glitter accents. LOVES IT!!!! If my fingers didnt hurt from this UV gel I'd take better pics and show all ya'll!! I think I can get used to this! My toes are too cute!!!

I feel good. I wanted to get my eye lashes done but thats for another day! I'm on a loving me tip right now and it feels really good!

I really love my bf! We went downtown yesterday and it was so nice walking around with him and not worrying about anyone looking funny at us. To my pleasent surprise there were alot of BW/WM couples and even a BW/IM couple like my bf and I. So no one cared that we were yet another IR couple. I love it. We looked at some of the condos (what am I saying downtown is all condos) and talked about different locations that we would live in. We also went to IKEA (He loves IKEA) and looked at the different kitchen and bedroom layouts. I want to spend the rest of my life with him - I really do!

K I'm off to bed. Me - sleep and not liking my job = extra grouchy in the morning.

I have alot more to blog about regarding my bf but you will all have to wait till tommarow.

Night night all!

Kisses ;)

Great Weekend

(look at his awesome tat!)

I had a great weekend. I went to the police picnic on saturday. Never ceasesa to amaze me how stupid some criminals can be. Why would you walk through a park full of police smoking weed??? I kid you not, bredren did it. In my bf and I went to The drinks show. It wasnt what I hoped it was but 3 drinks in my system later and that all changed; the party was GREAT!

I'm on my lunch making this post. I'm so tired and bored at my job. I barely have the strength to type all this. I need another job!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this one lol but I'm thankful that I at least have one!

Till I blog later on when I come back...

kisses

Strength in the numbers of Me, Myself and I

I think things happen for a reason. I dont think anything happens by accident at all.

Over the past few years my circle of freinds has dwindled to a handful. Reasons vary from new boyfriends and all of a sudden I find myself wondering if their telephone number still works to stupid disagreements, new friends or just growing apart. I dont like drama, I think thats one of the reasons I dont have very many frends bc I cant handle the nonsense. The circle that I have now I cant even really call friends bc kids, a marrige, and new friends has neither of us communicating as much as I would like or try to so I sit by myself and sometimes wish I could do cool things like have a cosmopolitan friday out with the girls, go out to a movie night to see sex and the city then have martini's afterwards, go shopping or at least window shopping. Something.

I hate it but thats life right. For the longest time I still had a desire deep down inside to connect with someone and do girly things, have fun and go out. Ifigured it was a secret desire but I dont think I was that good at hiding it as I thought. I think it was still visible and came out in my eyes when I watched girls out shopping, chatting, having a latte in the cafe or just going out to the club and sharing jokes while having fun. Its basic human nature to want to dominate, have one over, be cliquish and manipulate your fellow man. I think my desire (however secret i thought it was) appealed to people who coudlnt resist the urge to view me as weak, treat me badly, look down on me and play stupid games. Well no more.

Two and a half years ago when I gave my asshole ex the heave ho I started thinking about myself and how I could strengthen myself. I stopped waiting on everyone else and I just got up and went after what I wanted. If there was a book I wanted I went and bought it. If I felt like going browsing in the mall I went and did that too. If I wanted bubble tea, a latte, whatever you guessed I went and did it. End of story. Hell I even watched a few movies by myself because none of my "friends" had time to go see it with me. It felt good, I felt empowered and I liked it. My point is, I stopped thinking about the freinds I didnt have and I started thinking about the friend I do have...myself.

What do I want? I'm so tire dof feeling guilty and I am so ready to let that guilt go and be free. I think I need to put myself on a "I'm sorry fast" and throw in "I feel bad", "are you offended", "what do you think" in there as well because frankly I'm sick of it. I'm sick of worrying about what others think or feel about me, my decisions, my life, and my choices. I wory all the time about how I am percieved. There are certain perceptions I care about but I care to much about all of them and its draining. So Today is the frist day of my fasting starting with "I'm sorry".

Today I am no longer sorry!

Till I blog again

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions...

Today started off with me feeling sick. I didnt continuously sleep last night at all. I decided to call work and come in for half the day and go to the dr in the morning. 3 hours later and 4 viles of blood out of my arm (ouch! I hate needles) I was back home and on my way to work.
All last week I must have gotten 10 pieces of email. I'm off for 3 days and I have 40 unread messages in my inbox. Go figure right? But...one particular email caught my eye made me pause to ask myself if they were decieving me. In the 5 months since I've worked here I have been working hard and striving to make it to a special luncheon for the elite in the company. This has been my goal. Fast forward alot of details, and frustrations (I care not to re-hash) and I've finally made it. Yay!! Not only that but I recieved another great peice of news; I'm #1 out of all my peers in my category! WOW!!!!! That was a shock. I actually thought I was doing bad...guess not!

3 hours into my half a day work day I began regretting coming in. I was tired and wanted to lie down so badly that it hurt..literally. Just as things were looking up and my end of day was 3 minutes away Iget a message on my blackBerry.

I contemplated whether I was going to post about this but it (made me feel a ways) offended me and since this blog is meant to air my thoughts and ramblings I figured I would put it here (since watching tv, complaining to my bf and chatting up my friends on FB didnt work to distract me). I was super happy at the birth of a new baby boy that I decided to post my congrats to the new mother (who is also on facebook)on FB. I was really happy. You would think it was my child or this person was a really close family member of mine like say...my cousin whom I absolutly adore!

Well the BB was about you guessed it my FB post. When I posted the congrats a friend of mine who doesnt know the new mother posted asking me questions like, "what kind of baby did the person have and how?". The questions were moreso because she is having her first baby aswell. I replied it was a boy and by c-section. Apparently this was offensive because next thing I am getting a BB (from the new mothers family member)at the end of my work day telling me thats he was offended and thought the information should have been private. I pointed out that my friend doesnt know the new mother and I wasnt aware that it had the potential to offend anyone. I was just really happy for the new mother. And like I said I was happy on the level that you would think I had the type of bond that I do with my cousin whom is my BEST FRIEND! My big mistake as hindsight has proven to indeed be 20/20.

I dont like drama and maybe I am seeing this wrong but I by no means had any intentions of offending anyone or crossing any lines at all. It made me feel bad but also offended me too because I meant no harm to the new mother or anyone she knows. Perhaps in my zeal I committed the very offence I had no intentions of committing. This in turn offended me. So I apologized and told them it would be taken down when I got home.

Lesson learned: From now on unless I share a bloodline, last name or family limb, leaf or stem then I dont share any congratulatory happiness for anyone on FB. I didnt like the tone of the BB and I didnt like being made to feel like a child who was out of line. Trust me this will never happen again-Ever!

Its'a lesson learned. One that wont be lost on me in the future.

Till I post again

What to do, What to do, What to do??

So I guess the rum and green tea was for nothing because it turns out I didnt have a cold afterall. Hahaha to that! It was fun for my mother while it lasted I guess but that still doesnt solve my problem of having severe allergies. I wonder what kind of Jamaican remedy (or evil gag) my mother and her friends can come up with for that. So far I havent heard boo from that camp as yet so I think its good to say they have nothing! So much for that Science! *insert frown and smart alec grin here*

Today is the first day that I can say I feel better. Hooray for that! No thanks to the rum of course. I'm gonna go back to work tommarow but I have a dilemna for tommarow night. Should I or shouldnt I go to the Drinks Show happening downtown at the pier?

I plan to wear my booty freakem girl dress with my F** You bitch heels and my SLW but will the weather hold up?? Will I be well enough to balance on them heels, look cute, take decent pics with my camera and still keep enough tissues in my purse to catch the enevitable sneeze??? Or will I get tipsy like I did the last show and make everything go to pot??? Hmmmmm....do you see why I am not sure??? Will I be able to pull this off????? Can I do this??? *quiet contemplation*

Then the next day I have to go a police picnic with my bf's family. **ooo police men**I dont mind the picnic at all I'm just concerned about the night of the show. My friend is coming along so I'm gonna tell her to break out her freakem dress too. I dont know ya'll. Its been so long since I've been out. The last time I wore that dress I was going to my friends bachelorette party at a strip club. Yes the strip club. I felt dirty just going in there. I dont know WHY I went bc Lord knows I dont go to those places at all. After the show, I stood in the parking lot pissed texting my bf to come get me when some dude rolls up in a rover and starts trying to chat me up. I was so busy texting that I didnt even notice him there; my friend had to point him out. I was like "Bruh, my feet hurt, I'm cold, and I'm mad...no I dont want to give you my number!" He laughed, said something about my ass being big then drove off. Whatev's!!

Worst case scenario and its cold I can still wear my F*U Heels and skinny jeans with another top. No big deal right? Ist all about coordination and preperation LOL I'm playing...or am I?? Nope, I'm dead serious!!! LOL



So according to my bf I have to learn how to cook because I'm gonna be cooking for him more often. YAY for being the future Mrs F!!!! I can cook, I just dont cook often. I figured the trick is to cook alot for him now then...hmmm wait...ok I havent thought that far head. Hell I havent even thought ahead enough to cook for him all the time. Ah well....I guess its still a work in progress. I'll just concentrate on cooking for him more then I do now which is never. Then I'll work on cooking for him all the time. :) Sounds like a plan.

I know in his house cooking happens everyday and he enjoys cooking alot so I dont mind breaking him out of that habit and only cooking for him at least 3 times a week LOL I'm playing!!!! A mans gotta eat right!! Of course, cause I gotta eat too so I'l have to cook everyday.*smiles sweetly while hiding horns* I dont know how to cook Trinidadian food but I can cook Jamaican food which is good right??? LOL
I dont know how to cook Indian food so I guess he can help me with that. Ah what am I saying, I can always ask his mom to help me. :D Now there is a plan!!! LOL

Till next time ladies and Gents!!

Kisses ;)

Severe Allergies?? WTF??

Ok so i finally dragged my behind to the doctor today. After he poked and proded my ears and nose with his flash light (thank God no where else) he told me I have severe allergies and not a cold. I feel partly vindicated because everyone who didnt have a medical degree kept telling me I had a cold and my immune system is weak blah, blah, blah...whatev's...I'm glad that its only allergies.

He also told me my iron is low so I gotta go back on the iron supplements! Great......I just love taking pills!
Anyhow, I am off today from work again...ugh! I need to be paid.

Sometimes I feel like I need to gain more control of my life and make decisons that are best for me. I'm look forward to going out with my friend and bf tommarow night. Its going to be alot of fun.

Till I ramble on again

Kisses ;)

The Dirty Looks Game

I cant tell you how many dirty looks and whispers I have recieved from angry black men when I am out with my bf. Sometimes I ignore it, other times I look away and wonder why, yet other times I choose not to notice it at all.

The last time this happened I had an especially dirty look was from a young black man who walked closely past my boyfriend and I in Indigo. I saw him enter the store, lock eyes on me then make a beeline our way. I didnt pay attention to him after that because I didnt think he would do what he did next. In any case we were walking towards the cash register and this YBM had plently of room for him to walk around the other book displays but he chose to walk through the displays my bf and I were walking through. I was holding my bf's hand smiling (because I finally got my french vocabulary builder tapes that I had wanted for months) when I looked up and was met with a dirty accusatory stare from this YBM as if he was asking me with his eyes what the hell I thought I was doing. I looked away quickly and looked down. This guy had to be about 6'3 and I am only 5'8.5 and it was intimidating as hell as he literally stared down into me. In my head I began thinking my relationship is not my problem its his so I'm not going to let him phase me. When I looked up again half a second later I saw YBM look up to his left then look away sharply. I turned to follow where he was looking and realized it was my bf who was now looking at him sharply.

My bf is about 6'2, 6'3 when he stands up straight and he is a big guy. Not fat but he looks like he could throw you pretty far if he wanted to. F can give some really intimidating looks sometimes even when he doesnt realize it but when you get him angry then those looks begin to take on a more sinister appearance and I think this is what made that YBM look away so quickly and pick up the pace. It bothered me a bit. When the YBM walked off my bf leans down and goes, "I took care of that one for you baby. Dont worry I got you". I looked up at him, smiled then gave him a kiss and said thanks. But deep down inside I couldnt help but wonder if said YBM was staring us down from the other side of the store like a wounded dog seething with anger.

I follow a blog called Interracial Love and Spice by Sara. She is american and talks about the struggles Black Women (BW) go through dating interracially. She focuses specifically on BW and WM (white men) relationships. Alot of what she posts is VERY true but some of it I read and take for what it is (of course taking it seriously) either because I have not experienced or witnessed it or its something that is more american of an american thing than Canadian. Thats why I created this blog to talk about some of the isses I face as a BW in a relationship with an IM (Indian Man). Either way check her blog out. She blogs once a week and I must say I stalk her blog relentlessly because she has dished out so much support for us BW who just want to be loved and adored like the beautiful and treasured women we are. I love her blog and I think you will too. Heres the link

http://interracialloveandspicebysara.blogspot.com/


Another experience was with a older black jamaican man who took it upon himself to stare me down very dirty in a jamaican take out restaurant. You shoulda seen him too. He looked at me like I was garbage and I had no right to bring my Indian or "coolie" boyfriend into the restaurant. I stared at him back before I decided he wasnt worth it. I held my bf's hand and walked out smiling right in his face. He can kiss all of my ass. As if I would give him the time of day if I wasnt with my bf. Things like this I find so unneccesary. Why do that? What will it accomplish?? I especially love the BM who will stare me down while holding the hand of their WW, IW, AW or SW and look at me dirty. Its like are you serious?? You are looking at me dirty like I have no right to be with my IM but your with your woman and shes not black. I think Sara is right. BM have a problem seeing BW with non-BM and feel like its their right to let you know their disapproval. SMH. Get over yourself!


The Church!

I love God and want to do the right thing but I think that has made me vulnerble to some people in the church who have 'no good' intentions. I have decided to keep my relationship private and out the ears of these church people. Its hard enough to be in an interracial relationship with out having judgmental, biased, church members with alterior motives try to place doubt in your head. I dont even want to talk about it too much because its going to make me upset but needless to say my bf doesnt attend my church anymore and I dont blame him one bit.

Why are church members so damn judgmental? You would think they would be the first to not judge at all. But I guess not.

Till next time, Love you all

Kisses ;)

Of course I can stand up on one foot!! I'm not Drunk

I think KMC made that song especially for me and him cause boy was I whispering it to myself last night before I passed out!

Remember the infamous run in green tea I blogged about last night??? I almost forgot to give you a update on my rum experience. So I agree to drink this rum right?? LAWD! I drink di rum and about 5 mins later my head starts to feel really funny. Not clear funny but drunk funny! Like I need to lie down. Like if I wasnt already sitting I'd have to find a seat FAST, fast!

I call my mother and tell her she put too much rum in the tea. You know what she told me in her Jamaican accent? "Nooo, I didnt put too much! I only put a likkle bit". A little what??? Now I know my mothers hand when it comes to a little bit. I know she damn near poured in about 5 seconds worth of rum into that little green cup, mixed it with the green tea and brought it to me. No wonder she kept asking if I drank it all!

ladies and gentleman I had to crawl into my bed then lie down and take a small break before I finished crawling in. Yes a break...I needed to catch my breathe and wait till the ceiling stopped spinning before I carried on. For a second I wondered if I would make it to pull the covers over myself. I honestly didnt think I would. Can I tell you how this woman comes in the room and has the nerve to look down at me on the bed with a smirck on her face tellin me, "Your not drunk". I think I mumbled something like I dont drink therefore I dont believe you....something like that before it was lights out. She did however pull the covers over me a bit.

I woke up about 3 hours later and managed to stumble to the kitchen. I'm stubborn and refused to let this cold and alcohol rob me of the orange juice I oh so craved in the kitchen so I treked on. When I got into the living room my mother calls after me, "How do you feel". I turn half way look at her and go, "Drunk!" she laughs. Its not funny; at least I didnt think so! I got my orange juice and watched her as she smirked at me stumbling to my room.

I woke up this morning reeking of rum. Thank God I didnt go to work. The last thing I need is my boss questioning why I smell like I was out wit the boys and dem last night drowning my sorrows in a bottle of rum. I also think I drunk txted my bf who laughed at me too for being drunk. LOL oh well. I am a light weight. What can I say?? LOL

Don't call him baby!

I have a good friend that I have known for years. She has seen me through my ups downs and all arounds. She was there for all my "no good" boyfriends and chimed in on each and every one of them. She likes my current boyfriend (she hated the others) in fact she thinks he is a keeper. The other day while having a convo she randomly asks, "so hows my baby?". I go who because I have no children and didnt know who she was talking about. So I ask her who is she talking about. Thats when she answers your boyfriend? I'm like excuse me?? No! You dont get to call him that. He's my boyfriend and only I can call him that. Sorry. She asks why? WHY?!? I just told you heffer! She then laughs it off but I'm pissed off! I cut her off the phone but before I do I tell her dont call my man that ever again. He's mine and therefore she doesnt get to call him that. She agrees to not say it then the convo ends.

WTF?????????????

Please!! Can you believe this girl?? Why would you randomly call someones man your baby?? This is why I keep few female friends and this is why I have trust issues with alot of women.

What do you think?

Random Thoughts and Ramblings of a girl whose home and sick

I'm sick!!! :( !!!

Ugh I'm home bored and sick. Man I really need another job. I am blessed to have the job I have now and all praises and glory to God for that. I just dont like the job itself. I really dont. I applied to another job that I really, REALLY want and I am just praying...and I mean PRAYING that they call me for an interview. I would do cartwheels out the office praising the LORD. I really would.

I want to and intend to Marry you

2 weeks ago my bf told me he would marry me. He said he has been thinking about it alot lately and he really wants to spend the rest of his life with me. *insert happy dance here* He doesnt want to lose me to someone else and he cant imagine his life without me. Now some may say what was going on at the time? Were you guys going through problems? No. We were and are fine. He was out with his boss and colleages for after work drinks and food and he snuck outside to call me. He also told me his mom has been telling him to marry me soon. *insert shy smile here* I love my bf alot. I want to get marrried to him, have a family, and have some kids (we are still working out the details -he wants one I want 3 his mom wants 3 from me we shall see who wins out). When he asks me, I will say yes. A few days before this convo I was at his house and he left his laptop open so I decided to go on and make a youtube video but I couldnt figure out how to use his web cam. He came over and tried to turn it on for me and started minimizing some open windows. Well one of the windows was a site for engagement rings. He pauses and goes, "Oh how did that get there" then mimizes it. I said nothing and he said nothing. 3 days later he calls and tells me this. I'm happy. I want to marry him :)

Jensen, Megalyn and his gf Danneel

I have a website for Megalyn Echinwoke that I love!! I have a great group of women over there and I adore them. We are also fans of the show Supernatural. I am a HUGE Jensen fan but I dont like his gf Danneel. This is fine bc from fan reports she doesnt like alot of us fans either so the feeling is clearly if not indirectly mutual. Tee hee

See Jensen Here:

Just yummy. I would post a pic of his "gf" but I'm not really keen on her so I will leave her picture out of this entry

I think as a fair and good web hostess (brushes off collar) I should freely let my members speak about their union and express how much they like her; which I do. I have expressed that I dont like her (I seriously don't)but thats as far as it will ever go. I dont like her (I mentioned that already didnt I?? LOL) at all and sometimes it makes me cringe when they post stories about her. But its only fair. I will never tell them not post about her nor will I censor their choice to like and post topics about it. LOL

MASS Time--Time to jump up and get on BAD!!!!

I am Half Trinidadian but to some, like my dad I am full Trini (I dont act like my other side) but thats for another topic. Anyway, I love, love, LOVE SOCA music! Anyone who knows me can tell you that I have loved soca since I was a child! I knew every band, who made raod march, who won king and queen and who was my favorite calypso artists! When people would like soca for Caribana then look at me funny for liking it all year round I would brush them off because its my culture. I think my mother believes I am Trinidadian Canadian as well because I dont like dancehall music and the only reggae she has ever heard in the house is Bob Marley, Garnet Silk or some other concious or lovers rock type music. When I go to soca fetes and they put on dancehall I stop dancing. The other day I went to a beach fete and they started playing old school reggae and I actually started dancing a bit because a) my little brother had taught me some moves and b) I was like what the hell-it wont kill me.

Last year as a true Trini girl I played mass with Tribal Knights it was my first time playing mass (yes I know it took a while -I was supposed to play for the first time in 06 but sudden surgery put those plans on the back burner quick fast!). It was fun except for the fact that my bf woke up early, ate a greasy pizza before he downed a whole damn bottle of rum, then got piss drunk and vomited (partly on my leg and his moms foot) before the parade started. He was drunk and it embarassed me and made me really mad. So I ended up playing by myself while he slept it off in his dads truck for a good 3-4 hours. The good thing is I made friends during that time, bad thing is I later lost track of down the parade route LOL. I was pissed at my bf but I can look back on it now and laugh. I'm not pissed off anymore. He's lucky I love him very much!!

But this year is a new year and I almost expect for him to drink AGAIN so I have rdecided that I will play mass and have fun anyway! I am playing for carnival nationz in the summers majesty section FRONTLINE. Tell me why I'm paying over $300 to do this nah?? Anyway, I plan to have fun! Its going to be great! My bf is playing in another section till e cross the stage then he will play with me.

En Francais sil vous plait!

I am trying to learn french! Yes I am. Its my countries second language and as a Canadian born and raised (on the playground is where I spent most of my days) I feel I owe it to myself to be bilingual. That and it gurantees me a higher paying job and makes me more marketable should I choose to use it on my resume:D Yes thats the real reason. Money! But for a less vain reason I also its a nice language. I love Montreal and I want to be fluent so when a server speaks to me in french I can answer back! LOL

I am going to start my tapes up again and do my lessons! Wish me luck!

In Closing.

I am going to go learn french and finish sipping my green tea and rum. Yep, you read it right RUM! Only a caribbean parent would think to put rum in green tea and ask you to drink it to sweat out the virus. LOL I'm sick enough to try it. At this point anything is better than nothing. I need to go back to work tommarow so what the heck right??? Ok I'm off. Talk to you/ blog to later!!

Love you all!

Kisses :)

That "Coolie" Boy and "My Nygga"

"Coolie"

I have often heard this term thrown around by black caribbean people throughout my life and I wonder how indian people feel about it. Where did it come from? Did they find it offensive? How did it make them feel? It wasnt till around 3rd grade that I learned that the term was racist and was coined by the British as a derogatory term for Indians; this i when I realized that this word she not be in my vocabulary. You see I hate the word nigger. Its derogatory, offensive, oppresive and rude. I dont want anyone to call me that name so in my young mind I didnt see how I could feel that way about that word and still use another derogatory word against another race of people.

So I grew up resenting the n-word (as it will be referred for ther est of this blog and entry). I didnt care if my own people used that word and justified it by saying they were taking a name used to oppress my people and empowering, to me it was still just that...oppressive. The truth of those words would come out if a white person said it. All of a sudden the black person using it would get very offended (often enough to fight said white person) and what would they use to justifiy their rage?? You guessed it, all the reasons why I dont use it. Hypocritical?? I would say so. Either its offensive or empowering. Pick one but dont toggle the lines of its meaning to suit your conveniences then get offended when someone of another race says it.

I have quite a few gay friends who will openly call themselves derogatory terms like fag or dyke and I have seen when others call them such they jump up and quickly point out that they are and ask you what you want to do about it. Its amazed me and I have asked them why and they tell me, "I am using the word to empower myself. I'm not going to let it oppress me anymore". Now I'm not saying this is true for ALL my gay friends just some of my friends because this was their personal choice to use it to empower and remain consistent in doing it. The result often times would be that the offending person would not know what to say to counter it and would often (not always) just walk away. So in essence in those rare circumstances it has worked for them. But I am not here to discuss gay derogatory terms at length. I just want to say that I find them offensive aswell and have decided not to ever use them either. Even if my friends use them in joke or in seriousness when speaking of themselves.


"My Nygga"

I recently went to my boyfriends grandmothers house where they had a memorial for his late grandfather. His sister left quickly afterwards because her mother had come back from visting her the states and she wanted to go home and meet her (It was supposed to be a surprise return earlier then we were told but his sister had figured it out). In her rush she left her cell phone behind and it kept ringing. Her uncle picked it up looked at the display, frowned and goes, "Whose ma nygga?". I was shocked. Everyone paused as if we all were thinking at the same time, "did he just say what I think he did?" before they began to laugh uncomfrtably while glancing over at me. One of the things I hate about myself (which is few) is the fact that when I am shocked by something I'll laugh or chuckle. Its a defence mechanisim and I cant help it. I wish I could becuae it gives the wrong impression but its something I have been doing since I was a child. People who know me well know the difference and often understand what it means -I'm uncomfortable. But they dont know as yet.

I glanced over and her uncle laughed even more when he realized what it was and goes who would name someone that. I looked away and when I did I saw his aunt whose pregnant look at me uncomfortably. I knew from previous discussions that she thought it was inappropriate that but like me she kinda giggled and said nothing. After a while she goes "guys!" but I dont think they heard her. Eventually they let it go till his sister came back and they found out she had named her dad that when he calls. And this is where it all gets interesting.
My bf's dad is not Indian. Therefore my bf is not full indian but he looks it. You cant tell he is mixed with black portugues and spanish. But he is. The only inkling would be his hair which is loose curly. When her dad foudn out he was like Oh really and laughed it off but he didnt you could see in his eyes that he was questioning why she would name him that in her phone.

I know with his family race doesnt matter. When they met me his mom and dad told me they dont care what colour I am. His dad told me he has brothers who are darker then me and are not mixed but full black. I understood. Deep down I dont think they (his grandmother and family) meant anything by it but I do think they were being insensitive by repeating it over and over and laughing. I've decided not to say anything and just let it go...or try to. For now, only you guys know...

My First Post-YAY!!

Hello everyone!

I created this blog to talk about my experience as a black girl in a interracial relationship with an Indian man. I think my relationship is rare because there are not alot of black girls in relationships with men of Indian decent. There are so many stereotypes revolving our relationship. To name a few:

*Indian men only want Indian want Indian women to marry. They will always leave you for their own
*Their family will never accept you
*You will have to convert to hinduism

With my relationship none of these are true. My bf is not Hindu nor do I have to convert. His family loves me and dont care that I am black.

My mother is another case. She HATES him. She is "christian" but doesnt like Indian people because of a few who did her wrong in the past. She doesnt like my dad because he hurt her in the past. He's Trinidadian and she thinks all Trinidadians are liars.

The back history between my bf and mother is long. I am my mothers only child and she has always been over protective. When she met my bf I think she became angry because she thought he was going to replace her. Long story short she threw me out lasy year may when I came home at 2 am from a fashion show. She took my stuff out and told me to call him to come get me so I did. Long story short she hates him because she thinks he got involved in "family affairs". Now I'm sure you are saying the same thing everyone else was when they heard it; she got him involved because she threw me out and told me to call him to come get me. Well she doesnt seem to see it that way.

Now she hates him. Before the whole incident he tried with her. He went out of his way to be nice, help her with grocery shopping, drive her places yet she still hates him. It bothers me alot but I am slowly trying hard to not care what she thinks. She doesnt care how her actions make me feel. I am not a child yet I understand that she is manipulative. And this will be my documenting of her manipulations, my frustrations, and this silly thing called life. So sometimes it will be happy, sometimes mad and sometimes sad. Either way hang on because you are in for a wildly entertaining ride.

Love you all!!!

Kisses ;)